Simone’s story

I first learned my wife was a heroin addict a year ago. I had no idea she was taking drugs, let alone heroin. She said she’d used drugs when she was younger, but it was always talked about in the past tense.

Then one day, she pocket dialled me whilst she was out. I overheard her buying drugs. I confronted her and it turned out she’d been involved with drugs on and off ever since she was a teenager. She’d been clean for five years – most of the time we’d been together – but had relapsed earlier that year. I was in shock and didn’t know where to turn.

She mentioned that the ReNew service, which was supporting her, had a service for family and friends, and I got in touch.

The group wasn’t what I expected: I thought it would teach me what I could do to help my wife ‘get better’. I didn’t realise it was about me: helping me cope and address my feelings.

I didn’t know what to expect when I called – I had no experience of drug services. But they put me at ease straight away. They invited me to have a chat with a caseworker, so they could understand my situation and talk me through my options. I decided the weekly family group meetings would be the best fit, so I could meet other people who were experiencing similar things.

The group wasn’t what I expected: I thought it would teach me what I could do to help my wife ‘get better’. I didn’t realise it was about me: helping me cope and address my feelings.

Being part of the group felt safe. It was comforting to know that others were going through the same thing. I learnt that there’s no right way to feel and to not be so hard on myself. Mostly though, it taught me that I’m not alone.

I’ve now graduated and am regularly in touch with a friend from the group. When everything first happened I felt so alone, so it’s nice to have someone who understands what’s going on if you have a bad day.

I’ve learnt a huge amount from ReNew: from not enabling my wife’s behaviour, to setting healthy boundaries, and making sure we don’t keep things a secret. I understand the difference between what I can control, and what I can’t. Most importantly, I know that it’s not my job to ‘fix’ her.

The family group at ReNew has saved my mental state and my relationship. Before I started going, I couldn’t go on. I have so much gratitude and appreciation for the team. I don’t know where I or my relationship would be without them.

Simone’s name has been changed to protect her privacy.