Francesca’s story

I was around ten years old when I realised I was gay. I was raised by a strong Italian father, a very traditional man, which made being gay very difficult. Back then, there was not a lot of help available for young people facing difficulties with their sexuality, so I turned to alcohol to help me deal with my feelings.

A few years later, when I was 12, my parents decided to separate, which turned my world upside-down. As a result of their split, I started to experiment with cannabis, and before I knew it, I was using speed, ecstasy and acid as well: anything to change the way I was feeling.

By the time I was 17, things had taken a real turn for the worse and I began to use crack. Not long after that, I attempted to take my own life. When that didn’t succeed, I turned to heroin to numb my emotions.

In prison, I started to get myself clean and get my life back on track.

I had been dealing drugs as well as taking them, which eventually led to me being prosecuted. I was sentenced to seven years and four months in 2017 and sent to HMP Bronzefield. In prison, I started to get myself clean and get my life back on track.

I became a Recovery Mentor, using my experiences to help other people with their substance misuse issues. However, after 14 months, I felt like I had hit a brick wall and feelings of depression began to creep back in. That’s when I decided to transfer to HMP Send: I needed a change of scenery.

I first encountered The Forward Trust during my initial induction; one of the Peer Mentors came to chat to me about Forward’s work at the prison. At first, I was only interested in becoming a mentor again – not actually participating in any of the programmes. That all changed when Donna – one of Forward’s counsellors – came to talk to me about my life and what had led me to prison.

After 12 weeks, I graduated from the programme, with a greater understanding of who I really was.

Before I knew it, I was telling her all about my past. She helped me to realise that I would benefit from taking part in Forward’s 12-step recovery programme, Footsteps to Recovery.

After 12 weeks, I graduated from the programme, with a greater understanding of who I really was. I saw that talking about my thoughts and feelings, rather than bottling them up, was freeing me to actually live in the present. I was free.

Following my graduation, I became a prisoner adviser and would meet every new person that came to HMP Send. I used my experiences and position to actively encourage women to seek guidance and support for their substance misuse issues. I would often give examples from my own journey to show how change is possible.

Once, I even shared my story with HRH The Duchess of Cambridge, who visited HMP Send to hear about our experiences. Meeting The Duchess was out of this world. I told her that coming to prison was the best thing that happened to me, because it allowed me to really explore my thoughts and feelings. I was able to connect with my emotions again, and resolve a lot of the problems that I had been avoiding for a very long time. 

If I had never agreed to do ‘Footsteps’, none of this would have happened. I truly feel blessed.

Moving forward with my life, I want to stay clean and continue to help people who are on their own recovery. I also hope to have my own family, get married, and set up a home that will provide all of the love and support that I missed out on. I just want the ‘normal’ things in life.

I also hope that anyone out there who is feeling like they are at their ‘rock bottom’ can see what I have achieved whilst being in prison, and be inspired to believe in themselves. If I had never agreed to do ‘Footsteps’, none of this would have happened. I truly feel blessed.